I'm tired and I don't know what's draining me.
You know that overbearing phrase, 'being alone in a crowd'. That phrase you hear in the most cheesy songs and movies, the one you scorn off as 'said too much' or even 'overrated'?
I felt that today.
Somewhere in between when they switched seats and made their cautionary announcements. It came without a hint. But it did when I felt myself grappling for air. I must have looked calm, very calm. I gazed up, drew in a painfully sharp breath, and held it there. Random images from everywhere; MRI scans, imposing books stacked in the library, the cheesecake neighbor who never wanted a marriage, a prolonged sickness, city lights from the sky, silver coins, the four street kids entwined in a strange city, the cold spellbinding vista, the blue house, Zozie de l'Alba, staircase classrooms, the washing machine fight, cockroach operations, her ever-so-credulous face, unkempt fairy-lit shacks, national highways, the waterfall from nowhere...
I exhaled just as suddenly, back to feeling nothing.
'Turning the sign around
We're closed to the earth 'til further notice'
- Wait It Out, Imogen Heap
I hesitate to comment sometimes, because I feel like I'm intruding in something private. But, I feel jaded beyond repair, sometimes, too and I just don't know why. I can be in the best of situations, ones I've craved for, and I want nothing but to get them over with. Nothing is worse than not finding what you were expecting to.
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