Friday, July 23, 2010

From A Cold Steel Rail



So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell
Blue skies from pain
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail
A smile from a veil

Do you think you can tell
Did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts
Hot ashes for trees
Hot air for a cool breeze
Cold comfort for change
And did you exchange
A walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage

How I wish, how I wish you were here
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl
Year after year
Running over the same old ground
What have we found
The same old fears

Wish you were here

-Wish You Were Here, Pink Floyd

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Saving Grace



I have these moments where I am watching me, like I am this completely other person and I see 'me' going about my life. Don't mock. No seriously, stop it.

They come at the oddest times and in the most ridiculous situations. Like at times when I'm on the escalators at the malls, or when I'm drawing the curtains at night, or when I'm smudging off the kohl at restaurant washrooms. For fuck's sake, even sometimes when I'm making out with someone. And mostly I hate those trices, I hate where I am in them, I hate what I'm doing in them and I basically hate me in them.

But today was another day. It happened when we were doing this routine to 'Unwritten' by Natasha Bedingfield. The theme was something along the lines of having a clean slate to start over with and that sort of shit. Very predictable for a Bedingfield song, of course.

But here's the unpredictable part, the part where as we rehearsed and rehearsed to the point of absolute physical exhaustion, I soon turned happy for no remotely logical reason at all. And strange happy at that. I can't quite explain the dynamics of it but I remember a sudden rush of brilliance, of life, of how I was glad to be where I was. And in that moment nothing else mattered. I was at dance class, and I was happy.The world could have been restricted to those mirrors and that room and I wouldn't know, I wouldn't care. I wanted to be in that moment, and I wanted to do what I was doing. I was watching me, and it was alright.

I had a beautiful day today, the kind of day where everything falls into place and you know you'll be okay. Well, eventually. So this is me keeping a record of it.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Stranded


There’s something about that first shower that breaks the dry summer spell. There’s no telling where you will be or what you will be in the middle of when it happens, when those blessed first drops hit the brown earth, trickle down a car window or find their way on your skin. And in that moment, everything comes to a standstill.
The rush of life in its morbid, monotonous sense stops and the truly ecstatic kind takes its place. You stop moving and you notice. You notice things around you that you otherwise wouldn't. The gray skies shadowing the city, the splattering drops on the pavement next to the red light, the trees that hover as the wind bustles through them, the water dripping on signboards you’d otherwise ignore, even the milky texture the puddles seem to imitate.
You can’t help but wonder where all that water is headed and you can’t get enough of the fresh, damp air seasoned with change. And with this comes the realization of the time that has passed, another summer over. You realize how life has been moving all along while you were busy living it, how a season passed as another one ushers in. It catches you by surprise even though you had been waiting for it all along. The sheerness of your existence and that of everything around seeps in.
And then just as suddenly, you jolt back to now. The moment is over. A smile creeps up to the corner of your lips and you make a mental note to be more aware of the world around you, that quiet changing world. You promise yourself you’ll never get too busy again to notice, strong-willed promises of never getting too occupied again, or even too apathetic.
But before you know it, the leaves are turning golden as autumn unravels, another monsoon over. It catches you by surprise even though you had been waiting for it all along. Our days got busy again, apathy took over again.

Monday, July 5, 2010

It's Good To Be In Love



I'm adoring you
It's all good
You're so beautiful
I'm black and blue all over
You're breaking my flow
How could you know
what I'm saying about it
When all of my clothes feel like somebody's old throwaways
I don't like it

It's good to be in love
It really does suit you
Just like everything
I'm happy you're in love
'Cause every color goes where you do

- It's Good To Be In Love, Frou Frou